How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
