I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize