Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
ttyl tear gas
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
