Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
