What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
