Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
