I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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