He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
