oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
