he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
