I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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