MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
