just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
