Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
