Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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