you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize