Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Green mimosas i think yes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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