Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
