i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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