I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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