She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
