do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
