I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She announced her abortion via fbk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
