Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
