Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
