She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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