We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
