I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
