I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
