I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
