Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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