It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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