No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
