what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
