she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
