Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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