u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
