I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
