then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
