if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
