Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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