those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
