So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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