I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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