dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize