doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to calm my uterus...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
