The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
