She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
where are my eyebrows?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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