Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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