Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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