So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
