Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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