a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
