he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
