I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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