hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
