The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
the raccoons are back...
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