I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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