Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're a waste of cheezeits
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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