last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
