just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
