can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
