it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
