we have officially lost it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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