I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
