even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
