Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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