i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize