Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize