So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
