I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
