Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
