i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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