A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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