My balls are so social today.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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