You smell like a Billy Joel song
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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