you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
