I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
