When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dignity is for republicans.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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