P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
