What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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