I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
