I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And then he peed in my hair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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