I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This toilet bowl is my home.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
