his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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