When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
