if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Too much gin, very little bucket
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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