I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
