He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
