All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
