Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
