ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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