Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
