New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
