I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
