It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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