White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
