I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
