South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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